He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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