You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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