She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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