turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
