I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
