he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
