one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize