Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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