Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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