carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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