just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
