You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
