Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
