i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
