I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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