It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
