I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
