You're so nebulous sometimes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
