Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
