textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
