Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize