do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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