so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
