she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
