just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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