if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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