How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
