have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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