i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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