Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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