i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
