I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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