Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
