I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
