apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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