Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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