Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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