hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
