Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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