well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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