i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
