yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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