i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
