he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
