Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
