yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
