found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
