i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
