census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
