Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
