Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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