i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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