OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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