If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have demons in me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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