Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
