just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
