Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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