You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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