well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
