i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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