he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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