Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
