your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
