# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
